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Need vs Needy – Shift from Emotional Slavery to Liberation

What is the difference between need and needy? Having a need is an expansive interdependent relationship working toward a common goal. All parties involved empower each other to move forward. Trust is built and the foundation is strong.

Needy is manipulative and the energy is indirect. Needy people fear rejection from other people; they have no boundaries and feel the need to be in control because they lack trust.

Humans have universal needs; we all need love, connection, food, and rest. We become needy when our requests become single minded. We think, feel, and act, as if our needs can only be met by one person. This may turn into a demand, because fearful thinking provides no other choice, except the one we box ourselves into.

Being needy stops our flow and creates energy blocks, preventing us from creating our dreams. We have shut down the energy force to Source by being in the way. When we insist on it being OUR way, and in the way we envision, the Universe cannot intervene because we are blocking the flow by being in the way. We lose focus on the present moment, and begin to function out of lack and desperation.

Walking the fine line between need and needy can be a challenge, especially when we are triggered. In order to meet these challenges, people are using the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshal B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. and forming groups to practice NVC. Groups use tools like observing, feeling, need, and request. Behind every request there is a feeling and need; sometimes those feelings and needs are unconscious. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to be in a group of like-minded people that role-play difficult real-life situations using Dr. Rosenberg’s method. Watching the group role-play has been transformational. A deep healing takes place, not just for the person with the challenge, but also for the entire group. This book is a must for those in need of a healing. It helps provide steps to communicate with authenticity, openness, and empathy to another’s needs, as well as our own.

According to NVC, judgments, criticism, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our own needs and values. In the course of developing emotional responsibility, we usually experience it in three stages:

1) Emotional slavery – believing ourselves responsible for the feelings of others.

2) The obnoxious state – in which we refuse to admit to caring what anyone else feels or needs.

3) Emotional liberation – in which we accept full responsibility for our own feelings, but not the feelings of others, while being aware that we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others.

While role playing, a friend was triggered by a comment, “Controlling with money.”

I asked her, Who controlled you with money and how did that feel?”

She replied, “When I was a child my stepmother would pay my allowance to my stepbrothers and sister. While they went to the movie, I’d stay home and do their chores. I took it personally. Now, I realize my stepmother was mad at my dad, but took it out on me.”

“How did that feel,” I asked?

“I felt hurt, abandoned, and sad.”

I asked her what her needs were.

“To be accepted and loved.”

Her tears turned into clarity as she saw through her unconscious feelings and needs that caused the trigger. She became responsible for her own feelings, which shifted the energy from emotional slavery to emotional liberation.

Using our voice and honoring ourselves to awaken the heart deepens us with respect, compassion, and understanding, creating intimacy on a whole new level. Not only with ourselves, but with everyone we have relationships with. The opportunities are endless when we have the tools to navigate our emotions by seeing and feeling them, so they no longer run our unconscious.  

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven
©copyright 2009
First Edition 2/2009
Second Edition 11/2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 5:08 am | Comments Off on Need vs Needy – Shift from Emotional Slavery to Liberation
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