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What is Accountability?

Have you ever asked yourself why some people in your life are not accountable? What does accountable mean? According to the Webster dictionary it’s answerable, responsible, and liable to be called to account. After much soul searching, I realized that I have endured life instead of looking forward to what it held next. I created a pattern of people not being accountable in my life. I always felt if I am accountable to my word and to others, then they would be accountable to me. This is not necessarily the case.  Although it is important that we be accountable to others the first lesson is to become accountable to ourselves.

Like most of the patterns in our lives, mine started in childhood. Both of my parents suffered from the disease of alcoholism and were unaccountable for the responsibility of raising children. Alcohol became their priority, not the children they birthed. I learned to survive in a world where my parents did not deliver on their promises. I also was intimidated by my father’s behavior when he was drunk, especially when he would insist on driving while drunk. When I was afraid, I was taught to be quiet, because if I said anything, I could cause an uproar in our already chaotic family. I did not want to be a burden to my parents. My dad would call me “another mouth to feed.” I also learned that when people weren’t accountable, I felt forced to try to control everything around me in order to survive. It was the only stability I had to hold on to. What I did not know is I was creating a world of insanity, a world of being out of control, not in control.

As I matured, I had an open wound; it became a place that others of the same caliber saw the empty hole of pain, and helped to dig the hole deeper by not being accountable. They showed it in their actions, by continuously misleading people for their own selfish motives.

It’s as if I was a mirror reflecting to the world, “You don’t have to be accountable to me!” Then the worst day of my life happened. We were hit head on by a drunk driver, again one with no accountability! My only child Preston was killed; he had just turned eight. Preston was a miracle after seven years of infertility, three miscarriages, and four surgeries. The really sad part is the drunk driver had his own children in the vehicle. A little boy the same age as my son, and his six-year-old daughter were killed. In addition, the drunk driver died, along with his girlfriend. Another accountability issue was that he was a repeat offender with no insurance. Five people died that ugly day while my husband and I barely survived.

We were surprised to learn that after enduring such a senseless tragedy, the people in our lives who we thought would be accountable, were not. People that we would have expected to help us, such a victim advocates and law enforcement.  Some (not all) of them let us down, and we were caught in the cycle of power games for their own gain causing us additional pain, as if our grief and injuries were not enough. I had to ask myself, why does this cycle continue in my life? Years later, this pattern still haunts me. I still find that people around me do not follow through for me on projects I am working on. They seem really excited and willing to help but when life gets in the way, I feel like I have been put on the backburner.  Although I know most people have good intentions, I am at times, left feeling like a victim.  

It is now time to move to the front burner with a completed project with sincere thanks to all of those who have helped me along the way. I know I need to be accountable for creating this pattern in my life in order to heal it. As I have looked deep within my soul,  God has provided me with the answers. How can I expect people to be accountable to me when I am not accountable to myself? There are many layers of emotional components to heal with accountability. I have learned that judging others is not being accountable because when we judge another we are judging ourselves. When I try to control others, I not only do them a disservice, but also myself. I cannot control anyone but myself. I have also learned that trusting my own intuition and having faith in God are the keys to my healing and survival. This empowers me to express my needs.

Another component to healing accountability issues is to notice what we are projecting to the world. As I continue to heal, I see that I have projected low self-worth. I have continued to carry the energy of being a burden. I understand why people would put my project on the backburner, when I am projecting the energy of negative baggage. Why would they want to take on this baggage? This is another place that I am learning that I need to be accountable to myself; I am worthy of help from others. Now that I have changed my energy by being accountable to my thought patterns, I can shine light on this dark place. I am so very thankful for all of the help from the people in my life. Those that have been accountable and for those that have not. For those that have, thank you for seeing through the darkness I wore of low self-worth. For those that have not, thank you for taking your time, keeping my project on the back burner, so I could find the way to heal myself. What a wonderful gift God has given me. To see how much I am cherished in the Natural Laws of the Universe.

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

Revised 2013
©copyright 2006

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 11, 2013 4:43 am | Comments Off on What is Accountability?
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