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Cell Memory

Ever since the crash that took the life of our only son, Preston, the cells of my body wake me up like an alarm clock. The July 24th anniversary date is hard enough because I relive the pain, magnifying the grief that is still present. I continue to heal my mind and heart but my cells remember the horror of the crash as if it happened yesterday.     

For three years, premonitions invaded my psyche with ‘he is going to die.’ I felt I had done everything in my power to save my son, and repressed the thoughts with every waking moment, which proved to be agonizing to my body.

It felt like I had been weighted down by a boat anchor, while I waited for dooms day. I remember when Preston wanted to play catch.

“Please Mom, come play.”  Looking into Preston’s big brown eyes, I would ask myself  is this the last time I will see him?  With the thought of knowing of his death foremost in my mind, I succumbed to his pleading.

Holding back the energetic tidal wave of emotions, I rolled over to move from the bed, my head heavy and my unyielding shoulders collapsing with the fear of being unable to save his life.  As I pulled myself up, every muscle ached and my blood felt like sand as it traveled through each vessel.

“Throw the ball, Mom.” I tried to run and play, experiencing the fun with him.  His eyes lit up when he hit a ball into the outfield, laughing while moments of joy shone through the bleakness of the unknowing. I wondered if we would play again. That was our last time.

I am happy to have the cherished memories…even the painful ones help me to see how hard I tried to save his LIFE. 

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

©copyright 2007

First Edition 6/2007
Revised 11-2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 11, 2013 4:36 am | Comments Off on Cell Memory
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Full Circle

 As a result the car crash that took the life of my son a few years back, I have feared night driving ever since. I decided to regain my independence, and stretch my comfort zone by going for a drive.  Feeling confident and taking deep breaths, I glanced into my rear view mirror, surprised by the flashing lights; why is the policeman pulling me over? I wasn’t speeding, if anything I was extra cautious. “God, what are you trying to tell me now?” 

Nervously, I found my license, ready to give it to the Police Officer. He said, “Ms. Boggs, have you been drinking tonight? I noticed your MADD sticker and that your son was killed by a drunk driver. But you were driving erratically and hugging the left side of the road, a sure sign of a drunk driver. I had to pull you over.”                                                                            

Taken aback by his words, post-traumatic stress set in as I heard the words, “Have you been drinking?” A replay of the crash site swept across my mind, tears came as I held back the laughter. “Are you kidding me,” I asked.

 “No, Ma’am, you’re driving like a drunk driver. Can you see okay?” 

 Puzzled, I replied, “No, my right eye was injured in the crash, when the drunk driver hit us head on. Now I’m blind on the top half of my eye and it’s hard for me to see at night. In fact, I rarely drive at night for that reason. But I did not think my driving was bad.”

 “Ms. Boggs, I can see you’re sober. Sorry, I bothered you; next time try to find a ride.”

 Laughing on the way home…the irony of it all. I wonder why drunk driving energy follows me…could it be that I spoke on a drunk driving panel for offenders the night before? Could it be…God is shining light on my purpose? Could it be Preston’s energy having fun with me? Preston passed as a result of the crash. He’s a jokester. One thing for sure, it gave me a good belly laugh.

 The funniest part is, I thought I was a great driver…typical drunk driving behavior.

 Much Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

P.S.  Please don’t drink and drive!

©copyright 2009

First Edition 3/2009
Revised Edition 11/2014     

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 4:39 am | Comments Off on Full Circle
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