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“Courage is walking in God’s Light Mom!”

Preston persisted, “Mom, go to the elementary school and just sit among children.”  Resisting his wisdom with my health, immune system issues, and fear, I denied his plea. Healing the grief has happened in the spiritual realm, but there’s a void of not having a physical child around me. The anticipation of walking into a school full of children created an emotional upheaval of the life I was missing out on.

“Courage is walking in God’s LIGHT Mom!”

Preston’s words triggered me. Taking a deep breath I walked into the classroom of 3rd graders, the same year Preston would have been in before he passed. The children looked curious and in wonder as I stood by their teacher. Empathically connecting with each child, tears came to my eyes; I felt embraced by their energy. There was a big difference walking into a room of adults vs. children. They were warm, open, and welcomed me into their classroom.

Swallowing my pride while whispering to the teacher, I confided, “I may get confused helping the children because of my brain injury.” She nodded and suggested I go sit at a table with four boys. Taking another deep breath, I sat down by a little boy with uncombed hair, big holes in his pants and huge brown eyes, just like Preston; he smiled.

Reading over the instructions in the worksheet, I felt ashamed because I did not understand them. The four boys looked at me waiting for assistance with their math assignment. Bowing my head, I looked into their eyes and said, “I don’t understand, can you help me?” A sense of relief swept across the table as the boys realized that an adult has math problems too.  

Since the crash, the brain injury has been a real challenge, because people have heavily judged me; they do not understand the complexity of a brain injury. However, the children’s energy was safe; they accepted me without any reaction. Our learning experience turned into an interdependent discussion. Each child tried to teach me as they tried to understand their own assignment. We contemplated as we read each question. 

Later, I shared my day at school with my husband who has a degree in elementary education. With enthusiasm he replied, “You had them teach you! What a great way for them to feel empowered, learn, and grow!”  

Courage gave me the LIGHT to walk past my fear and find Heaven on Earth that day.

What stretch can you give yourself today, to walk past the fear of facing your grief? Are you afraid that your loved one won’t hear you or you won’t hear your loved one? Sometimes the emotions are so strong it can be frustrating to hear past the noise of our own logical mind, but don’t give up! Persistence is key to developing your connection; feel through the fear of not connecting. If nothing happens, accept what is in this moment. It may be rejection; accept rejection, allow it to enter into the space. If tears arise, release them, which opens your heart, and then surrender the need to connect. This will create room within for a deep bond to cultivate.

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven
©Copyright 2007 & Revised 2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at April 11, 2014 9:33 pm | Comments Off on “Courage is walking in God’s Light Mom!”
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Did You Lose Your Identity?

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a saint is one of the spirits of the departed in heaven. (This is where we’re going).

 In my first few years of grief, I identified with the grief, it wrapped around me like a snake sometimes taking away my breath. In my sadness, a dusty wall of stone blocked me. My heart ached with no way out or hope of really being heard. My body felt as if it were on fire, it was as if hell had torched every cell with the dark desire to keep my son alive no matter his condition. I was overwhelmed, losing misplaced color-coded notebooks filled with jumbled thoughts and the illusion of logic. Furthermore, detailed written directions slipped though my damaged brain leaving me with what felt like scrambled eggs.

To my ego, all this appears to be perfectly sane, except the umbilical cord to my safe comfort zone is cut and my old self is reborn with grief and despair. I am a mourning mother without a child, broken, lost and alone, existing without a label or title for an identity, except to the shackles of misery.

“Hi Mom, I’m playing with the dolphins.”  

Why did you leave me Preston? How could you?  Water is your playground while I am drowning in sorrow? Breaking me from these thoughts, an email arrives from a friend in Hawaii. She is telling me Preston came to her as a casual acquaintance, saying, “Tell my Mom to get out of her depression. She has work to do and her depression is interfering.”    

In humbled humility I asked Preston, Who am I? What is my identity? Why am I here? 

You’re a saint, Mom!”

 A saint?  Come on, Preston, you expect me to believe that?

 “Yep, go look it up in the dictionary. It says we are all from Heaven, you’re all SAINTS, you just forget.”   


Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

©2007 Revised 2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 12, 2013 6:09 am | Comments Off on Did You Lose Your Identity?
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