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Laurie Boggs Articles

What is Accountability?

Have you ever asked yourself why some people in your life are not accountable? What does accountable mean? According to the Webster dictionary it’s answerable, responsible, and liable to be called to account. After much soul searching, I realized that I have endured life instead of looking forward to what it held next. I created a pattern of people not being accountable in my life. I always felt if I am accountable to my word and to others, then they would be accountable to me. This is not necessarily the case.  Although it is important that we be accountable to others the first lesson is to become accountable to ourselves.

Like most of the patterns in our lives, mine started in childhood. Both of my parents suffered from the disease of alcoholism and were unaccountable for the responsibility of raising children. Alcohol became their priority, not the children they birthed. I learned to survive in a world where my parents did not deliver on their promises. I also was intimidated by my father’s behavior when he was drunk, especially when he would insist on driving while drunk. When I was afraid, I was taught to be quiet, because if I said anything, I could cause an uproar in our already chaotic family. I did not want to be a burden to my parents. My dad would call me “another mouth to feed.” I also learned that when people weren’t accountable, I felt forced to try to control everything around me in order to survive. It was the only stability I had to hold on to. What I did not know is I was creating a world of insanity, a world of being out of control, not in control.

As I matured, I had an open wound; it became a place that others of the same caliber saw the empty hole of pain, and helped to dig the hole deeper by not being accountable. They showed it in their actions, by continuously misleading people for their own selfish motives.

It’s as if I was a mirror reflecting to the world, “You don’t have to be accountable to me!” Then the worst day of my life happened. We were hit head on by a drunk driver, again one with no accountability! My only child Preston was killed; he had just turned eight. Preston was a miracle after seven years of infertility, three miscarriages, and four surgeries. The really sad part is the drunk driver had his own children in the vehicle. A little boy the same age as my son, and his six-year-old daughter were killed. In addition, the drunk driver died, along with his girlfriend. Another accountability issue was that he was a repeat offender with no insurance. Five people died that ugly day while my husband and I barely survived.

We were surprised to learn that after enduring such a senseless tragedy, the people in our lives who we thought would be accountable, were not. People that we would have expected to help us, such a victim advocates and law enforcement.  Some (not all) of them let us down, and we were caught in the cycle of power games for their own gain causing us additional pain, as if our grief and injuries were not enough. I had to ask myself, why does this cycle continue in my life? Years later, this pattern still haunts me. I still find that people around me do not follow through for me on projects I am working on. They seem really excited and willing to help but when life gets in the way, I feel like I have been put on the backburner.  Although I know most people have good intentions, I am at times, left feeling like a victim.  

It is now time to move to the front burner with a completed project with sincere thanks to all of those who have helped me along the way. I know I need to be accountable for creating this pattern in my life in order to heal it. As I have looked deep within my soul,  God has provided me with the answers. How can I expect people to be accountable to me when I am not accountable to myself? There are many layers of emotional components to heal with accountability. I have learned that judging others is not being accountable because when we judge another we are judging ourselves. When I try to control others, I not only do them a disservice, but also myself. I cannot control anyone but myself. I have also learned that trusting my own intuition and having faith in God are the keys to my healing and survival. This empowers me to express my needs.

Another component to healing accountability issues is to notice what we are projecting to the world. As I continue to heal, I see that I have projected low self-worth. I have continued to carry the energy of being a burden. I understand why people would put my project on the backburner, when I am projecting the energy of negative baggage. Why would they want to take on this baggage? This is another place that I am learning that I need to be accountable to myself; I am worthy of help from others. Now that I have changed my energy by being accountable to my thought patterns, I can shine light on this dark place. I am so very thankful for all of the help from the people in my life. Those that have been accountable and for those that have not. For those that have, thank you for seeing through the darkness I wore of low self-worth. For those that have not, thank you for taking your time, keeping my project on the back burner, so I could find the way to heal myself. What a wonderful gift God has given me. To see how much I am cherished in the Natural Laws of the Universe.

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

Revised 2013
©copyright 2006

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 11, 2013 4:43 am | Comments Off on What is Accountability?
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Déjà vu

A ringing phone woke me from a sound sleep; my Caller ID read, “Lisa,” a dear friend.  Ah, what a lovely way to wake up. “Hello Lisa, how are you sweetheart?”

After an eerily quiet pause, she cried hysterically, “My brother Johnny and nephew Jonah were killed last night. Another driver crossed into their lane and hit them head-on! They were killed instantly, along with the other driver.”                                                     

Am I dreaming? I already lived this nightmare once and now again, déjà vu… replaying the memories.

Seconds later the internal voice from my womb wailed out in sheer distress, understanding the deep meaning of this loss. I howled with an agonizing “NO! Not another child, and Johnny, not his beautiful soul.” The wailing would not stop. My solar plexus heaved up painful cries of misery. Ironically, I buried my son Preston exactly eight years ago to this date because a drunk driver killed him.

Later we found out the driver was under the influence. There were so many similarities to our crashes. They both happened in the late afternoon. Both drivers died, along with innocent young children.

Johnny was a 33-year-old drummer and flute player. Children were drawn to him. He had the essence of Jesus. His son, Jonah, was a three-year-old charm, a free spirit like his dad.  Jonah, a crystal child, with big brown eyes and striking blonde hair, always radiated love.

Even though years have passed, some days it still feels like yesterday.  At other times, it feels like a lifetime since we were with our loved ones. The emptiness turns into space which allows more of their light to shine through us…at least that is how I made it all these years. 

I hope sharing this blog again, helps remind people not to drink and drive…it is not worth it!

Thank you for allowing me to release and share the pain as I walk this path. Your prayers are very much appreciated.    

We love you.

Love Laurie, Preston, Jonah and Johnny from Heaven
©copyright 2007 

First Edition 9-2007
Revised Edition 11-2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 5:46 am | Comments Off on Déjà vu
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Mastering Joy

Joy is a treasure to the heart. It is what opens us to a universal wisdom and takes a treasure hunt to explore. Upon exploration there are many perils to be found. Living with alcoholic parents, joy was not an emotion in my household. In fact, I really do not think I knew what joy was until I gave birth to my son, Preston. He was a treasure that was finally born after seven years of infertility, four surgeries, and three miscarriages. I persevered through these hardships, my passion for having this little boy never diminished. It gave me comfort when I dreamt about him as a child, wanting to escape from my own childhood trauma.

I know now why I had this dream of my precious child, Preston. It was because he would be the one to introduce me to the true meaning of joy. I thought I had experienced joy in the past, but the truth is, it was only moments of happiness. Happiness is an emotion that has a condition attached to it, whereas, joy penetrates the heart. It is a feeling of pure connection, with an insight that opens the spirit and dances with an understanding of a deeper meaning to life. Motherhood brought me to the miracles in my life. Miracles are connections to joy. Naïve at twenty-eight, I knew that Preston was a gift, especially after the infertility issues; I had no idea that this gift was wrapped with unconditional love and joy to the extent that I lived it. Being a mom was full of surprises from early morning until bedtime. I was caught off guard in some aspects of parenting. The aspect I cherished everyday was the joy that Preston radiated in my soul. Every morning, kissing his little checks before he would awaken to start the day, was a gift that I looked forward to daily, along with our numerous group hugs with my husband. We would close the day by tucking our little bundle of joy in bed at night with bedtime stories. Relishing in this cycle of life for eight years was better than anything I had ever imagined. Those bonds of joy built a foundation that has connected us forever.

Preston was killed by a drunk driver; five people, including three precious children, died that fateful day. My husband and I barely survived. The irony of all this is that I understood the sheer terror those children experienced, because my father drove drunk with us in the vehicle when I was a child.

“How will I go on? How will I live in this life without Preston?” I would ask God over and over, “Will I ever find joy and love again?” What I found was that once you are a mother, you are always a mother. My refrigerator is a masterpiece of pictures from children that have crossed my path. Because of the connection I share with Preston, I feel I have an inner, deeper connection that most people do not understand. Preston’s life has taught me that he lives within all the children of this world. His wisdom has shown me on a deeper level that joy is in anything we touch on a soul level.

A homeless man I once had a conversation with, had the same sort of eyes as my son.

With this connection I asked the man, “How do you find joy in your life with no security and no home?”

His reply was “I am like you. After so many losses we find the perils in the heart in all things…if our children were raised with the golden thread of love, there would be no homelessness or drunken driving deaths. Our children bring to us wisdom, they are closer to heaven then we are. We need to honor them, meet their needs, and give them a safe place to grow.”

My heart is always full with the memories of joy that dance within me. Preston’s depth of love has shown me joy in everything. His physical body may not be here, but I know his joyful soul lives forever in my heart. Motherhood is a priceless gift that should not be taken for granted.

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven
©copyright 2006

First Edition 11/2006
Revised Edition 11/2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 5:20 am | Comments Off on Mastering Joy
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Moon Mother

How many people embrace their inner-child?  Embracing the child within who yearns for love, laughter, and joy, means helping the child be free of shame, guilt, and blame.

After losing my only child, Preston, to the hands of a drunk driver, I went from the highest peak of emotions, from joy, love, and laughter to the lowest valleys of shame, guilt, and blame. It was the lowest point in my life.  I realized it was going to take an enormous amount of self-love to come out alive and not end my life. I found that God cares for us more deeply than I had ever known.  The deepest sorrow has been lifted away by God’s warm embrace. God showed me that He/She loves us as much or more than we love our own children.  God’s love is unconditional.  I was the one putting conditions on God’s love for me.

After Preston passed, I lost my identity.  I was no longer the mother that my heart yearned to be.  My inner child was broken with despair. My son speaks to me and helps heal the patterns that have been layered with fear. Our heritage is alcoholism. These patterns have been rooted in both sides of the family for many generations.  I added to the layers by continuing with my own drinking problem. It took Preston’s death to wake me up to the insanity.  I noticed that attempting to numb the fears, the guilt and the blame were making me sicker.  It has been 14 years now since Preston passed, and fourteen years since my last drink.

One special weekend I could not sleep. My son, with his persistent little energy, whispers to my heart and says, “Mommy, go outside.”

The view of the ocean was breathtaking and the wind refreshed my tired body. I loved the light of the moon in the sky, with her radiance shining upon the bay, glistening with peace and love.  “Mommy, take her back,” I heard from Preston.  Take what back Preston?

“Your name Mommy, your name…Laurie Moon. Your inner-child is no longer broken. She is whole and complete.  You’ve become the mother who embraces and loves all the children.”

That night, I took back my maiden name, Moon.  According to the tale found on “Back To The Basics Bubba Series” Luna – Queen of the Heavens states “The Moon is now always accompanied by her brilliant children [the stars] of the night.” We are all accompanied by our inner-child; we just have to remember how brilliant we are. Preston’s nickname is “Bubba”

Love Biff, Laurie and Preston from Heaven
©copyright 2007
First Edition 2007
Revised 11/2014

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 5:15 am | Comments Off on Moon Mother
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Full Circle

 As a result the car crash that took the life of my son a few years back, I have feared night driving ever since. I decided to regain my independence, and stretch my comfort zone by going for a drive.  Feeling confident and taking deep breaths, I glanced into my rear view mirror, surprised by the flashing lights; why is the policeman pulling me over? I wasn’t speeding, if anything I was extra cautious. “God, what are you trying to tell me now?” 

Nervously, I found my license, ready to give it to the Police Officer. He said, “Ms. Boggs, have you been drinking tonight? I noticed your MADD sticker and that your son was killed by a drunk driver. But you were driving erratically and hugging the left side of the road, a sure sign of a drunk driver. I had to pull you over.”                                                                            

Taken aback by his words, post-traumatic stress set in as I heard the words, “Have you been drinking?” A replay of the crash site swept across my mind, tears came as I held back the laughter. “Are you kidding me,” I asked.

 “No, Ma’am, you’re driving like a drunk driver. Can you see okay?” 

 Puzzled, I replied, “No, my right eye was injured in the crash, when the drunk driver hit us head on. Now I’m blind on the top half of my eye and it’s hard for me to see at night. In fact, I rarely drive at night for that reason. But I did not think my driving was bad.”

 “Ms. Boggs, I can see you’re sober. Sorry, I bothered you; next time try to find a ride.”

 Laughing on the way home…the irony of it all. I wonder why drunk driving energy follows me…could it be that I spoke on a drunk driving panel for offenders the night before? Could it be…God is shining light on my purpose? Could it be Preston’s energy having fun with me? Preston passed as a result of the crash. He’s a jokester. One thing for sure, it gave me a good belly laugh.

 The funniest part is, I thought I was a great driver…typical drunk driving behavior.

 Much Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

P.S.  Please don’t drink and drive!

©copyright 2009

First Edition 3/2009
Revised Edition 11/2014     

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 10, 2013 4:39 am | Comments Off on Full Circle
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