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A Hard Lesson Learned

My husband and I went on a 10-day Vipassana Retreat (of silence) in Sun Valley, Idaho. We meditated for 11 hours a day observing sensations within our bodies. This was my 5th time and every experience has been different. The body is like nature, always changing. 

 I observed that my body felt like sludge, dark, and stuck. It portrayed exactly where my life was. I felt like I was stuck, spinning my wheels as I tried to get the book edited and published. Patiently, I stayed in the present moment and quietly explored the muck in my body. Humbled, working harder by observing my darkness, I realized it was created from the negative thoughts in my mind.  I felt wedged between the polarity of light and dark. 

 Later, I visited my favorite place in our campsite, smelling the fresh pine trees and watching the chipmunks capture a crumb. On the trail, I found a dead bird and sadness washed over me. Right away I received the message of death and rebirth. I took care of the bird and placed him where nature could take its course, thanking him for sacrificing his life to show me new beginnings. 

 During the next meditation session, I continued to observe and feel my body’s sensations change. I fully understood why I have pain in my body. At one point, the pain was so intense, it felt like I had swallowed fire. Moments later, the inferno birthed what felt like an octopus perched over my right breast. Its tentacles wrapped around my chest cavity, under my arm, attaching to my back like a blood sucker living off my life force.  It had its own rhythm – its breath was opposing mine. The monster within was thriving on me. We took a short break, drinking hot lemon water with honey. The drink soothed me as I contemplated what was inside.

 Back to meditating, the unknown force was no longer murky, light had opened up the bottleneck of darkness and the mud like substance started to dissolve into quicksand. Surprised, I heard Preston in my head. “The bird died by flying into the cabin window. He did not watch where he was going. Watch out Mom!” Hmm, I wondered what that meant.

 On the ninth day, the firestorm had cooled down to friendly embers of a warm fire. With extreme present moment observation, the octopus faded away into liquid, free, and flowing. I observed the ocean within, surfing the tidal waves, washing away any shadowy energy that was no longer serving me. The mind was liberated for the time being, not attaching to anything that would cause aversion or desire, only a neutral place of peace.   

 We came home feeling lighter.  I wondered what happened with the book while I was gone. Unexpectedly, the agent was no longer supporting the book project due to unforeseen circumstances.  No wonder Preston had said, “Watch out!” I had been blind-sided. I let myself down by not listening to my intuition; something did not feel right from the very beginning. However, I got caught up with ego, and in my excitement I allowed myself to be persuaded instead of staying in my power.  It was a hard lesson to learn; not to allow others opinions to influence me when I know the answer. I observed my reactions. For a moment, thoughts of suicide swept over me; despair haunted me, it felt as if I lost my baby again. I took a deep breath, allowed the tears to flow, and then the light prevailed.

 I am learning to no longer attach to form or identity, just be pure unconditional love, which is our true nature. My passion is to glorify God’s light to the world. Love will ultimately lead me to my destination of shinning within! This is true authentic success.

 Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

©2007 copyright

First Edition 11-2007
Revised Edition 11-2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 11, 2013 4:21 am | Comments Off on A Hard Lesson Learned
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