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Did You Lose Your Identity?

Did You Lose Your Identity?

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a saint is one of the spirits of the departed in heaven. (This is where we’re going).

 In my first few years of grief, I identified with the grief, it wrapped around me like a snake sometimes taking away my breath. In my sadness, a dusty wall of stone blocked me. My heart ached with no way out or hope of really being heard. My body felt as if it were on fire, it was as if hell had torched every cell with the dark desire to keep my son alive no matter his condition. I was overwhelmed, losing misplaced color-coded notebooks filled with jumbled thoughts and the illusion of logic. Furthermore, detailed written directions slipped though my damaged brain leaving me with what felt like scrambled eggs.

To my ego, all this appears to be perfectly sane, except the umbilical cord to my safe comfort zone is cut and my old self is reborn with grief and despair. I am a mourning mother without a child, broken, lost and alone, existing without a label or title for an identity, except to the shackles of misery.

“Hi Mom, I’m playing with the dolphins.”  

Why did you leave me Preston? How could you?  Water is your playground while I am drowning in sorrow? Breaking me from these thoughts, an email arrives from a friend in Hawaii. She is telling me Preston came to her as a casual acquaintance, saying, “Tell my Mom to get out of her depression. She has work to do and her depression is interfering.”    

In humbled humility I asked Preston, Who am I? What is my identity? Why am I here? 

You’re a saint, Mom!”

 A saint?  Come on, Preston, you expect me to believe that?

 “Yep, go look it up in the dictionary. It says we are all from Heaven, you’re all SAINTS, you just forget.”   

 

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

www.laurieboggs.com

©2007 Revised 2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 12, 2013 6:09 am | Comments Off on Did You Lose Your Identity?
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