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Cell Memory

Cell Memory

Ever since the crash that took the life of our only son, Preston, the cells of my body wake me up like an alarm clock. The July 24th anniversary date is hard enough because I relive the pain, magnifying the grief that is still present. I continue to heal my mind and heart but my cells remember the horror of the crash as if it happened yesterday.     

For three years, premonitions invaded my psyche with ‘he is going to die.’ I felt I had done everything in my power to save my son, and repressed the thoughts with every waking moment, which proved to be agonizing to my body.

It felt like I had been weighted down by a boat anchor, while I waited for dooms day. I remember when Preston wanted to play catch.

“Please Mom, come play.”  Looking into Preston’s big brown eyes, I would ask myself  is this the last time I will see him?  With the thought of knowing of his death foremost in my mind, I succumbed to his pleading.

Holding back the energetic tidal wave of emotions, I rolled over to move from the bed, my head heavy and my unyielding shoulders collapsing with the fear of being unable to save his life.  As I pulled myself up, every muscle ached and my blood felt like sand as it traveled through each vessel.

“Throw the ball, Mom.” I tried to run and play, experiencing the fun with him.  His eyes lit up when he hit a ball into the outfield, laughing while moments of joy shone through the bleakness of the unknowing. I wondered if we would play again. That was our last time.

I am happy to have the cherished memories…even the painful ones help me to see how hard I tried to save his LIFE. 

Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven

©copyright 2007

First Edition 6/2007
Revised 11-2013

Posted by LaurieBoggs at December 11, 2013 4:36 am | Comments Off on Cell Memory
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